‘I have to do everything on my own.’ That was my mindset earlier on in my career. Now, I wasn’t consciously telling myself that, but it definitely shaped how I behaved.
Having a mentor or a coach, was not on my radar. I had an awareness of mentoring. Coaching…. not so much. And so, these weren’t things that I explored at the time.
At points when I felt stuck in my career, I would sometimes talk to a family member or friend and share a little about how I was feeling. However, for the most part, I preferred to work through things myself. I did this by staying curious, exploring different possibilities, and taking small actions.
Further along in my career, I coordinated a mentoring scheme and promoted a coaching programme, raising staff awareness of the benefits of both.
The more I learned about coaching, the more it intrigued me, and eventually, that led me to becoming a qualified coach, where I could further support others with their professional development. My involvement in these two programmes, started to shift my mindset around seeking support, and as a result, I thought more about getting a mentor and a coach for me.
I had tried other ways to develop my career, but at that point, I felt like nothing was working, so I began considering a different approach. As they say, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. So, I sought out a mentor and a coach.
I understood that, the only way to get out of that place of feeling stuck, was by moving, by taking action. If you stay still, your situation stays still too.
Something I enjoyed doing was reading autobiographies, which is something I consider to be a form of informal mentoring. For example, Maya Angelou’s book, I know why the caged bird sings, Good Power by Ginni Rometty, and Becoming by Michelle Obama, just to name a few. I’ve learned some valuable insights and lessons from those autobiographies, reflected on the things that resonated with me, and thought about actions I could take to support my development. Sometimes, it was just simply a shift in mindset that really helped me.
Another form of informal mentoring is having purposeful conversations with people, I feel comfortable with. Those who show a willingness to want to support me. I make sure to hold onto the ‘nuggets’ they share.
One person, unbeknownst to them, became my informal mentor. Honestly, at the time, I didn’t make that connection, but that’s what they were, an informal mentor. We had very brief impromptu conversations, and not very often, but they shifted my perspective. That experience reminded me that words are very powerful. Choose them with care, as you never know whose journey you may positively impact, just by uttering a few words.
I remember my informal mentor saying to me, ‘no man is an island.’ I guess that was their way of reminding me that I don’t have to go through life doing everything by myself. No one can be self-sufficient 100% of the time. Everyone needs support and connection at different points. For me, her words were really powerful because it allowed me to reflect on the approach I took with developing my career, and also how I navigated my personal life. As a result, I became more open to receiving support from others (this is still a journey for me), but I have learned the benefits of reaching out for help.
Based on my own personal journey, here are some of my key takeaways from mentoring:
- Take calculated risk (sidebar, I’m not suggesting taking risks for the sake of it. I’m more so talking about intentional, thoughtful steps that supports growth, not jeopardise it).
- Ask for what you want, rather than for what you think you can get (being sure to leave room for negotiating).
- Don’t take yourself out of the running, before others even have the chance to consider you.
- Don’t doubt yourself!
- And last but certainly not least, speak well of yourself.
As you reflect on your own journey, consider the support you’ve received from others. How has it shaped your career?
About the author: Andrea Gayle, Assistant Learning & Organisational Development Business Partner (University of Hertfordshire)