“My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together.” – Desmond Tutu
There is a belief out there that leadership means going it alone. I still hear people say that being a leader is a lonely experience. I have felt that myself, and at one point I genuinely thought I had to be the “Han Solo” of my own story: independent, capable, self-reliant and always charting my own course. It is an easy myth to fall into, the idea that strength comes from doing everything yourself and not needing anyone.
Over time, and especially through the Institute of Zen Leadership (IZL), I gave myself the chance to experience something different. I came to understand that real leadership is not a solo journey at all. It is a shared experience. And as I discovered, sometimes we shine more brightly in constellations than we ever can as stand-alone stars.
A moment when I learned leadership wasn’t supposed to be lonely
I first felt this truth years ago at the University of Warwick, when I unexpectedly found myself leading the Latin American Society. It began during a small “crisis of leadership”, when nobody wanted to step into the role because it seemed too demanding. I remember sitting in the library thinking, “Well… if no one else will do it, maybe I can.” Once I knew why I wanted to take it on – to bring people together, to celebrate culture, to create something joyful – everything clicked.
We organised salsa nights, social events and fundraising activities, including a collection for relief efforts after an earthquake in a Latin American country. At one point, we even started a Latin band with fellow students. That band still exists today, long after my time there. That experience showed me what becomes possible when leadership is shared. I wasn’t carrying something alone; the purpose was carrying me, and it allowed all of us to move through challenges that didn’t even feel like barriers anymore.
The existence of the band transcended anything I imagined. All I did was put people together, encourage them, and they ran with it – right through to today.
A Community That Holds You, So You Can Hold Yourself
At IZL, I experienced another kind of leadership: one held by a community of coherence. People there listened deeply, saw beyond the surface and met me with presence rather than judgement. Through embodied practice, Zen teachings and the FEBI patterns, I discovered that coherence is not an abstract idea. It is something you feel in the body, something that quietly draws you towards a wiser, more grounded way of leading.
In this community, we receive something that feels a bit like a warm embrace, even when no one is physically touching you. All parts of us are welcome: the confident and the uncertain, the polished and the messy. IZL gives us room to soften into who we really are and to lead from integrity, alignment and genuine purpose. We sit together, breathe together, laugh at ourselves, and practise being the leaders we actually are.
From Fragmentation to Coherence
I have always felt uneasy floating in open water; I don’t like not having my feet on the ground or being moved by waves I cannot control. Yet the moment I finally let myself go, something softened. There was a strange beauty in being held by something vast, in not needing to grip so tightly. Water can represent the energy of collaboration, as we show up fluid, receptive and deeply connected. I return to that memory often because it reminds me that losing control is not the same as losing myself. Quite often it is the doorway to connection.
Many of us carry a sense of fragmentation within us, shaped by the divisions we see in the world. We feel separate, or cautious, or protective. Leadership, however, is not about tightening control. It is about finding coherence within ourselves so that we can create it around us.
Why Community Matters
We cannot survive, succeed or evolve alone. Not as leaders and not as human beings. We need communities of coherence – places where we can be real, supported and fully ourselves. Places where we learn not only to lead, but to live with authenticity and integrity.
About the Author: Rossana Gent PhD is a global learning design leader, qualified coach and facilitator, passionate about learning, leadership and cultivating compassion, insight and authentic connection in people and organisations. With a background that bridges higher education, organisational development and Zen-based leadership, Rossana brings a deeply embodied and reflective approach to learning and transformation.
As a faculty member and coach with the Institute of Zen Leadership, Rossana integrates frameworks such as FEBI and Zen principles to help leaders develop presence, agility and awareness in the midst of complexity. Her work centres on creating learning spaces of belonging and growth, communities where people can bring their whole selves and connect more deeply with purpose and possibility.