In environments where thinking and intellectual rigour are highly valued, emotions can be seen as “soft and fluffy”. Yet emotions are always present, influencing the quality of our thinking, decision making, and how we work with others.
And emotions, both pleasant and unpleasant, are contagious. They influence the cultures of work groups, teams, and departments. When unpleasant emotions remain hidden, they leak into our conversations, and they can surface through disengagement, conflict or resistance.
Psychologists, including Dr. Susan David at Harvard Medical School and Dr. Marc Brackett at Yale University, invite us to think of emotions as data, not directives. When we consider how we feel with curiosity and without judgement, we are less likely to react in the moment, make unhelpful assumptions or avoid situations that need our attention.
Emotions provide valuable information about what we care about and what needs to be different. Frustration might reveal a hurdle in the way of meaningful work. Disappointment may highlight unmet expectations. Anger can signal a perceived injustice or unfairness. When we are precise about how we feel, it enables us to take actions that are intentional, purposeful and aligned to our values.
Emotions such as frustration, disappointment and anger will be present from time to time. These feelings are a normal part of working in complex institutions, as we respond to competing priorities, limited resources, organisational change or challenging relationships. Yet they are often left unspoken.
A useful practice to enable emotional self-awareness and emotional expression is “affect labelling”, naming our feelings. Research indicates that putting emotions into words also helps us to regulate our emotions more effectively. Resources such as the Emotional Culture Deck support affect labelling by expanding our emotional vocabulary and inviting us to consider the nuances and complexity of our emotions.
The poet David Whyte talks about “beautiful questions” that shape our identity simply by asking them. He suggests that “The ability to ask beautiful questions, often in very unbeautiful moments, is one of the great disciplines of a human life.”
What if we asked ourselves these beautiful questions at work?
- How do we not want to feel, but might from time to time?
- What are these feelings telling us about what matters?
- And how do we want to feel instead?
Our emotions deserve the same curiosity that we bring to research and teaching. When we view unpleasant emotions as valuable sources of insight, instead of distractions from good thinking, what else might be possible for our wellbeing, performance, working relationships and organisation culture?
About the author: Sonali Kumarakulasinghe of SK Consulting is a Consultant, Facilitator and Coach, helping leaders and teams to generate change through better conversations at work. She provides workshops, team culture programmes, leadership coaching, Action Learning Sets, and certification training in emotional culture.
Please do get in touch with Sonali if you would like to have a conversation. https://www.linkedin.com/in/sonalikmcipd